DENVER, CO – A local man’s attempt to perform a heroic animal rescue took an embarrassing turn when he realized the “hungry, abandoned dog” he had lovingly taken in was actually his neighbor’s very annoyed cat.

Greg Simmons, 35, was out for an evening jog when he spotted what he believed to be a small, scruffy dog wandering alone near a park.

“It was just sitting there, looking sad and kind of fluffy,” Simmons said. “It didn’t have a collar, and I thought, ‘Oh man, some poor pup needs help.’”

Determined to do a good deed, Simmons whistled and clapped to get the animal’s attention. The “dog” stared at him blankly but didn’t run away, which he took as a sign of trust.

“I scooped it up, and it didn’t fight me at first,” Simmons recalled. “It was weirdly heavy for a small dog, but I just thought, ‘Wow, chunky little guy.’”

He rushed home, wrapped the “dog” in a blanket, and immediately set out to give it a warm meal.

“I made it a bowl of chicken and rice because I saw on TikTok that’s what you feed rescue dogs,” Simmons said.

But as soon as he set the food down, things took a turn.

“The dog just looked at the food, then looked at me like I was an idiot. Then it growled—not like a normal growl, but like a deeply offended growl.”

That’s when Simmons’ roommate walked in, took one look, and said:

“Dude… that’s not a dog. That’s a massive cat.”

At first, Simmons refused to believe it.

“No way,” he argued. “It has a dog’s energy.”

But as the “dog” jumped onto the counter with the grace of an Olympic gymnast, knocked over a lamp, and stared deep into his soul with feline rage, Simmons had to accept reality:

He had just abducted someone’s cat.

Things got worse when he checked the local neighborhood Facebook group.

“The first post I saw was, ‘Missing: Mr. Pickles, a 25-pound Maine Coon. Very large. Very judgmental. DO NOT PICK UP—HE HATES BEING CARRIED.’”

Simmons had literally kidnapped Mr. Pickles.

“I panicked,” he admitted. “I didn’t want to be known as the neighborhood cat-napper.”

In full stealth mode, Simmons snuck out at midnight to return the massive cat to his rightful home.

“I tried to just set him down on the porch and run, but Mr. Pickles wasn’t having it. He latched onto my hoodie and rode me all the way to the door like a furious backpack.”

The next morning, the Facebook group posted an update:

“Mr. Pickles has returned. Whoever ‘rescued’ him—he does not need rescuing. He just likes to stare at things dramatically.”

Simmons now triple-checks before attempting to “save” stray animals.

“I thought I was being a hero,” he said. “Turns out, I was just a very dumb criminal.”