SEATTLE, WA — What was supposed to be a romantic evening turned into a gastrointestinal nightmare after local man Tyler Benson, 29, attempted to make homemade sushi for his date—despite having no culinary experience and an alarming disregard for food safety.

Benson, eager to impress his crush, Emily Carter, 27, invited her over for a “sophisticated night of sushi, wine, and ambiance.” Instead, she was met with what she later described as “an active crime scene in the kitchen.”

A Recipe for Disaster

According to Carter, the first red flag appeared when she arrived and saw Benson watching a YouTube tutorial titled “Sushi in 10 Minutes (No Experience Needed!).”

“I thought, ‘Oh no,’” Carter said. “Then I saw him take frozen salmon out of a grocery bag and say, ‘I don’t think we need to thaw this, right?’ and I knew I was in trouble.”

Despite clear instructions in the video, Benson skipped key steps, including using sushi-grade fish. Instead, he proudly unveiled a fillet of what he called “regular ol’ salmon” from the discount section of a supermarket.

“It was sort of pink, so I figured it was fine,” Benson later admitted.

The Rolling Catastrophe

Determined to make “fancy sushi rolls,” Benson attempted to wrap the fish in seaweed and rice—but vastly underestimated the stickiness of sushi rice.

“It was like watching a seagull try to assemble IKEA furniture,” Carter said.

At one point, Benson’s hands became so coated in rice that he absentmindedly wiped them on his jeans, which resulted in him briefly fusing to his own pants.

“I had to pry my phone out of my pocket with a butter knife,” he confessed.

The Moment of Truth (and Regret)

After 45 minutes of struggle, Benson finally presented Carter with a plate of what he called “Tyler’s Signature Rolls.” The rolls, however, resembled what one guest later described as “a pile of regret wrapped in seaweed.”

“It wasn’t even in roll form anymore,” Carter said. “It was just lumps of rice, fish, and wasabi, all kind of mashed together. And he had the nerve to serve it with ketchup because he ‘didn’t have soy sauce.’”

Not wanting to be rude, Carter took a single hesitant bite. Moments later, she excused herself and texted a friend: “If I die, tell my mom I love her.”

The Aftermath

Within 20 minutes, both Benson and Carter reported feeling “not great.” By the one-hour mark, Benson admitted, “I was Googling ‘how fast does