AUSTIN, TX – A man’s attempt to “be more open-minded” went hilariously wrong when he accidentally joined an advanced yoga class, misunderstood the chanting, and thought he was being inducted into a cult.

Ryan Mitchell, 31, had been encouraged by his girlfriend to try yoga to help with his stress and “chronic inability to touch his toes.”

“I was expecting, like, some light stretching and relaxing music,” Mitchell said. “Instead, I walked into what I can only describe as a sweaty, slow-motion human pretzel factory.”

A Rough Start

Mitchell arrived at Serenity Flow Yoga Studio in basketball shorts and a Metallica T-shirt, completely unaware he had accidentally signed up for a 90-minute advanced hot yoga class.

“Within five minutes, I was drowning in sweat and questioning all my life choices,” he admitted.

Things escalated when the instructor, a serene woman named Luna Sky, dimmed the lights and led the class in a group chant.

“She started with ‘Ommmm’ and then people just… kept chanting. It sounded like ancient spells or a** summoning ritual**,” Mitchell said.

Convinced he was about to be initiated into a secret society, Mitchell panicked.

“I thought, ‘Oh my God, I’m in a cult. This is how it starts. First, it’s stretching, then it’s robes, and before you know it, I’m living in the woods and giving all my money to a guy named Moonbeam.’”

The Escape Attempt

At this point, Mitchell decided he needed to escape—immediately.

“There was only one exit, but it was blocked by 20 extremely flexible people doing headstands,” he said. “So I had to get creative.”

Mitchell attempted to discreetly crawl toward the door, but halfway through, his leg cramped.

“I collapsed onto this lady’s mat and accidentally knocked over her water bottle. She was NOT happy.”

Seeing no other way out, Mitchell made a run for it—mid-class, mid-chant, and mid-sweat-drenched panic.

“I sprinted out of there like my life depended on it, only to realize I left my shoes inside.”

Forced to awkwardly return, barefoot and humiliated, he was met with a room full of confused yet very relaxed yogis.

The Aftermath

Once he calmed down, Mitchell’s girlfriend explained that chanting is a normal part of yoga and not, in fact, a brainwashing technique.

“I feel like that’s something they should put on the website,” Mitchell argued.

The yoga instructor, trying not to laugh, invited Mitchell to return for a beginner’s class, but he politely declined.

“I think I’ll stick to regular stretching,” he said. “Preferably without any chanting or spiritual awakenings.”

Despite the ordeal, Mitchell admitted he did feel unexpectedly calm afterward.

“Maybe fear-induced sweating has benefits,” he said. “But next time, I’m reading the class description first.”