PORTLAND, OR – A local man found himself in an awkward standoff with police after he accidentally reported his own car stolen—only to later realize he had stolen it himself.

Josh Peterson, 34, had spent the evening at a local bar with friends, enjoying what he described as “just a few drinks, but, like, responsibly.” When he left the bar around midnight, he couldn’t find his car in the parking lot.

“I looked everywhere,” Peterson said. “I walked up and down the street, clicked my key fob a thousand times—nothing. So I did what any normal person would do… I panicked and called the cops.”

A Search Begins

Portland police responded quickly, taking Peterson’s report seriously.

“The guy seemed genuinely distressed,” said Officer Lisa Carter. “We put out an alert for a stolen 2014 Toyota Corolla. Not exactly a high-priority theft, but, you know, we try to help.”

As officers canvassed the area, Peterson accepted a ride home from a friend and went to bed, distraught over his missing vehicle.

Then, the next morning, everything unraveled.

The Real Crime: A Case of Extreme Forgetfulness

At 7:30 AM, a report came in: a suspicious vehicle had been parked in a random driveway all night with its engine still running.

That vehicle? Peterson’s Toyota Corolla.

“It was just sitting there,” said homeowner Mark Evans. “Right in my driveway. At first, I thought someone had abandoned it, but then I saw the keys were still in the ignition.”

Police quickly connected the dots and called Peterson, who groggily answered the phone.

Officer: “Sir, we found your stolen vehicle.”

Peterson: “Oh my God, that’s great! Where?”

Officer: “About three blocks from the bar.”

Peterson: “Wait… what?”

That’s when it hit him.

After leaving the bar, Peterson had walked to the wrong parking lot, assumed his car was stolen, then drunkenly taken an Uber home—while his Toyota sat running in a stranger’s driveway the entire night.

The Embarrassing Retrieval

Police officers escorted Peterson to his car, where he was met with an unimpressed homeowner and several amused neighbors.

“The officers didn’t even try to hide their laughter,” Peterson admitted. “One of them was like, ‘Sir, you stole your own car and reported yourself to the police. That’s a new one.’”

In the end, Peterson was not charged with a crime, but he did receive a stern lecture about being more responsible.

His friends, however, have not let him live it down.

“They changed the name of our group chat to ‘Grand Theft Corolla,’” he said. “I’m never escaping this.”

Peterson has since vowed to always double-check his parking location—and maybe, just maybe, drink a little less on Friday nights.