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America’s Worst Bank Heist: The One That Turned Into a Televised Cautionary Tale
LOS ANGELES—Historians, criminologists, and anyone with basic planning skills agree that the 1997 North Hollywood bank robbery deserves its place as the worst bank heist in U.S. history, largely because it failed immediately, loudly, and on live television. On the morning of February 28, 1997, two heavily armed men attempted to rob a Bank of
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Man Shoots Self in Penis Attempting to Rob a Chicago Hotdog Stand
Chicago is a city of legends. Legends of deep-dish pizza so dense it has its own gravitational pull. Legends of winters so cold they make your thoughts freeze halfway through forming. And now—thanks to one spectacularly misguided individual—legends of the worst hot dog robbery ever attempted by a human being with access to poor decision-making
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Chicago Man Attempts Crime, Immediately Becomes Cautionary Tale Told by Strangers Forever
CHICAGO—Police say a local man’s attempt at crime this week lasted approximately seven minutes, three bad decisions, and one moment of deep personal reflection that reportedly occurred while sitting on the curb waiting to be arrested. Authorities declined to release the suspect’s name, mostly out of mercy, but confirmed he will now be known to
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WASHINGTON—The internet briefly ground to a halt this week after a group of self-described “independent digital investigators” announced they had uncovered a “shocking hidden truth” about Rep. Ilhan Omar
The claim—quickly debunked, repeatedly debunked, and somehow still podcasted about for three hours—originated from a scanned document in which Omar was accidentally listed as “Mr.” by a legacy database designed in 1994 and last updated emotionally in 1998. Within minutes, the typo had been elevated from “clerical error” to “bombshell revelation,” skipping several crucial steps
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Ancestry.com Ruins Thanksgiving: The Day the Clintons Learned They Were First Cousins
It began, as so many modern disasters do, with an email subject line that should have been ignored. “🎉 You Have a New DNA Match!” According to sources who definitely do not exist and lawyers who definitely should not be consulted, Bill and Hillary Clinton were enjoying a perfectly normal evening—Bill browsing foundation emails he