PHILADELPHIA, PA – Travelers at Philadelphia International Airport were in for a scaly surprise when a man attempted to board his flight with a very unconventional emotional support animal—a full-grown alligator named Wally.

Joe Simmons, 41, insisted that Wally, his five-foot-long reptilian companion, was “as gentle as a puppy” and should be allowed to board the plane with him.

“He helps with my anxiety,” Simmons explained. “I mean, sure, he has 80 teeth and could technically eat me, but he chooses not to, and I think that’s beautiful.”

TSA’s Worst Nightmare

Airport security was not amused.

TSA agents were already on edge after last week’s squirrel incident and were not prepared for a massive alligator casually strolling through the terminal wearing a harness labeled ‘GOOD BOY.’

One agent, clearly regretting his life choices, simply whispered, “I don’t get paid enough for this.”

Simmons insisted that Wally was a registered emotional support animal and had the paperwork to prove it.

“He likes cuddles and watching cartoons,” Simmons said. “And he’s only bitten, like, one person, but that was years ago, and honestly, they deserved it.”

Chaos at Gate C14

As passengers in the terminal slowly realized there was a literal alligator among them, reactions varied.

A group of tourists from Iowa immediately began filming, while one elderly woman shouted, “JESUS IS COMING SOON!” and ran in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, Wally remained completely unfazed.

“He’s not aggressive at all,” Simmons reassured a horrified mother clutching her toddler. “He mostly just likes snacks and belly rubs.”

Security footage later showed Wally patiently waiting in the boarding area, his tail lazily swishing as a nearby traveler threw him pieces of beef jerky.

The Final Verdict

Unfortunately for Simmons (and Wally), airline staff refused to allow the alligator on the plane, citing “literally every safety regulation ever written.”

“I don’t see the problem,” Simmons protested. “People bring dogs and cats all the time. Wally is just a little more exotic.”

The airline disagreed.

After a 30-minute standoff, Simmons was finally escorted out of the airport, with Wally calmly being carried like an oversized handbag.

As they exited, a child asked if Wally was sad.

“He’s fine,” Simmons assured. “I promised him McNuggets on the way home.”

A Happy Ending?

Despite the setback, Simmons has not given up on his dream of airborne alligator companionship.

“I’ll keep fighting for Wally’s rights,” he said. “Next time, I’m buying him a first-class ticket.”

For now, Wally remains a very grounded emotional support alligator, spending his days lounging in Simmons’ backyard—and occasionally, terrifying the Amazon delivery guy.