BOSTON, MA – A local groom’s attempt to save time by using artificial intelligence to write his wedding vows backfired spectacularly when the AI-generated speech accidentally included multiple confessions to crimes he never committed.

Brian Mitchell, 32, admitted that he had procrastinated writing his vows until the night before the wedding.

“I thought, hey, AI does everything these days—why not let it handle this?” Mitchell explained. “I just wanted something romantic and heartfelt. Instead, I got a full-on criminal confession.”

Mitchell used an AI chatbot, typing in a simple prompt: “Write wedding vows for my wife, Jessica. Make them emotional, poetic, and charming.”

What he got was mostly beautiful… until it wasn’t.

The vows started strong:

“Jessica, from the moment I met you, I knew you were the one. You are my heart, my soul, my everything.”

But then, things took an unexpected turn:

“Through the years, you have stood by me, even when I stole that car in 2018, laundered money through an offshore account, and accidentally started an underground fight club in my basement.”

Mitchell, who had never done any of those things, didn’t bother proofreading and simply copied the vows onto a note card.

The next day, standing at the altar in front of 150 guests, including both families, Mitchell began reading his vows.

“The first part was beautiful,” said his best man, Jake Thompson. “Jessica was tearing up, the crowd was emotional… and then BOOM—money laundering came out of nowhere.”

Gasps filled the church.

Jessica blinked in shock. Her mother gasped so loudly she needed water. The officiant visibly backed away.

Meanwhile, Mitchell, oblivious to what was happening, kept reading.

“I just assumed they were crying because my vows were so touching,” he said.

It wasn’t until he heard Jessica whisper, “WHAT?” that he realized something was wrong.

Mitchell froze, glanced down at the note card, and finally processed what he had just read aloud.

“I started sweating immediately,” he admitted. “I had no idea how to recover.”

His only response?

“Uhh… I swear, I have never laundered money. Or… stolen a car. Or… fought in a basement. AI did this. Not me.”

The guests erupted in laughter. Jessica, thankfully, found the whole thing hilarious.

“The fact that he didn’t even check before reading them is just so on-brand for Brian,” she said. “I was mad for, like, two seconds. But honestly? Best wedding moment ever.”

After a brief pause (and reassurance that the FBI wouldn’t be crashing the reception), the ceremony continued.

Mitchell has since learned his lesson.

“I will never let AI write something important for me again,” he promised. “Except maybe thank-you notes. But I’ll definitely read those first.”